A safer world

I remember when as a young child I looked into the mirrorand didn’t recognise the boy I saw there.

For some reason I simply could not begin to understand, he didn’t seem to be me.

I can’t describe how much that frightened me.

I knew, somehow, that I couldn’t tell anyone.

So I tried to avoid thinking about it.

I pushed it to the very back of my mind.

I tried not to look into mirrors.

I hated it when someone took my photograph.

Usually a photograph in those days involved having to wear a suit, which i hated even more.

I secretly wanted to wear girls’ clothes and play with girls’ toys.

I was happier being with girls in the primary school playground, though I knew i wasn’t supposed to be.

I found it frightening being with boys.

And then, 8 years old, I was sent to boys’ boarding schools for 9 years.

These were places were I had to pretend to be a normal boy.

My isolation grew. I became shy and withdrawn. I developed an eating disorder and lost a dangerous amount of weight.

The memory of all this misery is coming back with especial force right now because on Monday a group of transphobic zealots managed to close down a helpline for trans children and their families.

And so I ask: does adolescent misery really make the world a safer place for women?