Catching Up...
(and taking stock)
(photo: Stuart Platt)
Yesterday’s plan was to to continue making this Substack a time on Mondays for pausing and reflecting on what is happening to me artistically as well as personally.
But I never managed to do it yesterday because …
It was one of those days where life just floods in with such incredible force it sweeps everything away.
So this is what happened.
One, I woke up to find there was a interview in The Guardian with Melissa Auf der Maur, the woman who used to be the bass player in Courtney Love’s band, Hole.
The interview was happening because she has just published her memoirs.
And the article spoke to me because she stayed with us one night a long time ago when we all lived together in Edinburgh’s Old Town.
We used to host visiting artists then, and she was coming for an event involving her mother, Linda Gabouriau, at the Traverse Theatre.
We were all struck by what a lovely woman she was, and her and me had such a pleasant walk together up the Royal Mile and over Castle Hill to the theatre.
I wonder what she made of us. And I doubt we’ll be in her memoir
But it was lovely to see that she is still here and still flourishing, artistically as well as personally.
And I had to share that with my daughters.
And then the other thing was that Dr. Helen Webberley, who publishes a very good Substack about trans healthcare, had written a very beautiful piece about my daughter Katie’s article in the latest Cosmopolitan magazine about the impact of the Supreme Court ruling one year on.
It’s a fabulous piece. I’m so proud of Katie.
(who also publishes a beautiful Substack)
And I’m grateful to Dr. Webberley for highlighting it.
And that had to be shared too.
And then...
I’ve been trying for quite a few days now to make the reel that I shared with you yesterday about the experience of having to take a cold plunge every morning in the first boarding school I was sent to.
It’s been very difficult because it triggered so many bad memories and I simply hadn’t been able to do what I normally do, which is script the piece before filming it.
I like to script them very precisely so that I can say what needs to be said within the three-minute slot.
But I suddenly thought, “Oh, to hell with it. I’ll just do it.”
Even though when I looked at myself through the eyes of the camera, I looked a mess.
Red blotches all over my skin, hair unbrushed.
Etcetera…
And normally, when I make these reels, I try to remember to take a little bit of care over my appearance.
But as well as resisting the demands of manhood, I make it a habit to try and resist the demands of womanhood to look impeccable at all times. ..
And somehow, I knew just what I wanted to say and went ahead and said it.
And then I published it .
Feeling nervous as I always do, and wondering what people would make of it.
That was twenty fours ago and I’m glad I did because since then, twenty-one thousand people have looked at it on Instagram and Facebook.
And I know that number will at least double.
And I find that quite astonishing that it’s possible just to bung a video out into the ether in a random kind of way and send it out on a long journey. into so many people’s hearts and minds.
It gives me pleasure.
And then I was also preoccupied because I’d had a message from the Bullet Heart Club in Australia, who are reviving and Bayley Turner’s play, “36” for a company in Sydney in July.
The plan was then to take the show on to the Traverse in August for the festival.
But they hadn’t been saying yes, and they hadn’t been saying no, and the director wrote to one member of the staff, and I wrote to the chief executive just to get an answer.
And the answer came, “No.”
Bad mistake, I can’t help thinking,
And I was angry for a bit. And so there was that to deal with.
And at the same time, I was trying to read through a contract with a publisher who is going to publish my “Sex, Chips and the Holy Ghost” and is looking for images.
(and that’s where the photo came from. The other actor is the wonderful David Walshe)
She also expressed an interest in reading “36.”
So I read and signed the contract for “Sex and Chips” and tidied up the script of “36” to send to them.
And felt incredibly proud of it.
And somehow that pride enabled me to let go of my crossness with the Traverse.
And maybe it’s not as important now, the Traverse, as it used to be,
or maybe it’s just not as important to me as it used to be.
Or maybe a bit of both.
And I think that’s probably true of the Edinburgh Fringe as well.
Times are moving on.
And although I would like to find a way of converting all those views for my videos into bums on seats or maybe book sales, perhaps that doesn’t matter anymore.
Perhaps they are what matters.
Whatever…
The main thing is that I’m so grateful that I can continue creating things because it is creativity that gives meaning to my life.
Meaning to all our lives….