Hard truths from a prophetic voice

Every day, it seems, there’s a new and terrible story of a woman being killed by her partner.

Just as every day there’s a new and terrible story about some new act of criminal destruction of our planet.

I can’t help thinking that the two things are connected somehow; and that they are connected to the ways we have been taught about what it is to be a woman and what it is to be a man.

And asI struggle with my feelings of helplessness and angry despair, I take comfort from the thought that one of the important ways to change all this is on the level of deep story.

And it is my business to create it.

And then, every now and again, I come across a prophetic voice.

Here’s one I want to share:

Stories told by a dear friend of mine as she was speaking in church last Sunday.

She tells them from her own perspective of cruel repression and fierce resistance; and, with her permission, I publish them now:

“Greetings from the 7 churches in Asia, the churches mentioned in the Book of Revelation- the reading we heard today.

I just returned from there. They are in modern day Turkey now.

According to legend, the 7 churches were all on a well-worn trade route. The first church was located at Ephesus, the first stop along the trade route, followed by Smyrna, now Izmir, then the great city of Pergamon, then Thyatira, wealthy Sardis, Philadelphia and finally Laodicea, near modern-day Denizli.

All of these cities were mighty, rich, important and pillars of ancient society with proud rulers and civil governments. Some started in archaic history, yet all of them were active during the Greek times (600 BC – 180 BC), via the Roman (around 180 BC – 500 AD) over to the Byzantine Empire, when Christianity became state religion and mighty churches and basilicas were built.

They all are ruins now- standing alone or integrated in modern cities. They are beautiful, but still ruins where no one, but birds, mice and yes- many cats live. There are just some stones and some columns standing. A bit of a mosaic uncovered here and there. Hills overgrown with bushes and grass, sand and rubble hiding what is left of houses, temples, churches for future archaeologists (or looters) to find.

Kingdoms come and go. The huge, proud Roman Empire is gone. The richest and the most famous crumble to dust.

We see some of the current kingdoms and reigns at the moment. Trump and Putin and others. What matters in these kind of kingdoms? Power at the cost of dignity, freedom and the Very lives of others. Riches at the cost of livelihoods of others and the very planet itself.

Let’s take another example of a more abstract kingdom.

The CoS worship material was brought to us today by Integrity. It is a task group of the Church of Scotland whose purpose is to raise awareness of gender justice within the Church and society. In doing so, they aim to minimise the instances of gender injustice and bring about equality for all and enabling the Church to provide a safe place for victims and survivors.

The International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women is tomorrow, on 25 November, followed by the annual 16 Days of Activism against Gender-based Violence. The vigil for the trans and non binary people who have died during this last year was on Wednesday. There is still a lot of gender- based violence, even in this country.

Why? Allow me to tell you a story of a 3 year old girl By Lisa Norgren:

A grown man looms behind my three-year-old daughter. Occasionally he will poke or tickle her and she responds by shrinking. Smaller and smaller with each unwanted advance. I imagine her trying to become slight enough to slip out of her booster seat and slide under the table.

When my mother views this scene, she sees playful taunting. A grandfather engaging with his granddaughter.

“Mae.” My tone cuts through the din of a familiar family gathering together. She does not look at me.

“Mae.” I start again. “You can tell him no Mae. If this isn’t okay you could say something like, Papa, please back up—I would like some space for my body.”

As I say the words, my step-father, the bulldog, leans in a little closer, hovering just above her head. His tenebrous grin taunts me as my daughter accordions her 30-pound frame hoping to escape his tickles and hot breath.

I repeat myself with a little more force. She finally peeks up at me.

“Mama…can you say it?” Surprise. A three-year-old-girl doesn’t feel comfortable defending herself against a grown man. A man that has stated he loves and cares for her over and over again, and yet, stands here showing zero concern for her wishes about her own body. I ready myself for battle.

“Papa! Please back up! Mae would like some space for her body.” My voice is firm but cheerful. He does not move.

“Papa. I should not have to ask you twice. Please back up. Mae is uncomfortable.”

“Oh, relax,” he says, ruffling her wispy blonde hair. The patriarchy stands, patronizing me in my own damn kitchen. “We’re just playin’.” His southern drawl does not charm me.

“No. You were playing. She was not. She’s made it clear that she would like some space, now please back up.”

“I can play how I want with her.” He says, straightening his posture. My chest tightens. The sun-bleached hairs on my arms stand at attention as this man, who has been my father figure for more than three decades, enters the battle ring.

“No. No, you cannot play however you want with her. It’s not okay to ‘have fun’ with someone who does not want to play.” He opens his mouth to respond but my rage is palpable through my measured response. I wonder if my daughter can feel it. I hope she can.

He retreats to the living room and my daughter stares up at me. Her eyes, a starburst of blue and hazel, shine with admiration for her mama. The dragon has been slayed (for now). My own mother is silent. She refuses to make eye contact with me.

This is the same woman who shut me down when I told her about a sexual assault I had recently come to acknowledge. This is the same woman who was abducted by a carful of strangers as she walked home one night. She fought and screamed until they kicked her out. Speeding away, they ran over her ankle and left her with a lifetime of physical and emotional pain. This is the same woman who said nothing, who could say nothing as her boss and his friends sexually harassed her for years. This is the same woman who married one of those friends.

When my mother views this scene, she sees her daughter overreacting. She sees me “making a big deal out of nothing.” Her concerns lie more in maintaining the status quo and cradling my step-dad’s toxic ego than in protecting the shrinking three-year-old in front of her.

When I view this scene, I am both bolstered and dismayed. My own strength and refusal to keep quiet is the result of hundreds, probably thousands of years of women being mistreated, and their protests ignored. It is the result of watching my own mother suffer quietly at the hands of too many men. It is the result of my own mistreatment and my solemn vow to be part of ending this cycle.

It would be so easy to see a little girl being taught that her wishes don’t matter. That her body is not her own. That even people she loves will mistreat and ignore her. And that all of this is “okay” in the name of other people, men, having fun.

But. What I see instead is a little girl watching her mama. I see a little girl learning that her voice matters. That her wishes matter. I see a little girl learning that she is allowed and expected to say no. I see her learning that this is not okay.

And I hope my mom is learning something, too.

It is in ways of thinking. It is in attitudes and acceptance of behaviours. But we can change it – bit by bit! And strength and new life can begin then.

“Culture and attitude play a significant part in allowing gender injustice to prevail. There remains within our Church a sector who do not consider women equal to men in leadership, not just citing their own views but assuming God's view through minimal passages of scripture. This influences attitudes and so we need to examine our own culture and attitudes as well as challenging societal attitudes and behaviours, be it in our homes, our communities, our worship…“As we look to the New Testament, various cultural emphases of gender roles are found – many of which don't translate into today's cultures. In encounters with Jesus, women are honoured not for fulfilling the expectations of the gender, but for their faith. They were included in leadership; they were missionaries and teachers. Yet for centuries, the role of women in the Church has been undermined and under-appreciated because of the power exercised by patriarchal structures.

Inuit goddess Sedna story – Raven husband chasing her, her and her father fleeing in the canoe, father chopping off her fingers to escape himself. But they become whales, seals, living things of the sea.

Today we mark the Sunday of Christ the King. We celebrate a different kind of Kingdom. Christ’s Kingdom is not from this world. Not of this earth, but very much beginning here and now on this earth and among us. “Gender justice is essential if families are going to work themselves out of poverty, for crime and disorder to diminish, for creation to prosper and the Church to be reborn.”

What it should be instead: “Kindom”. Not alone lording over others- like often in the companies that make money. Instead sharing the load, the costs, but also the successes.

Allow me to finish with the Story King of the Birds at Compassionate Planet Conference

The birds of the sky wanted to have a king to rule them. But who should it be? The eagle was fierce and strong. The peregrine falcon was the fastest. The bell bird had the loudest voice. It was hard to decide. So, the birds called for a competition. And as they were the birds of the sky they decided that the one who would fly highest of all would then be the one to rule them. Big flocks of birds started to fly. Higher and higher they went. The bell bird fell behind the falcon, but the eagle soared above them all in triumph. But then suddenly a warm uplift of air came and carried the tiny lark higher up over the head of the eagle. And so the lark became the queen of the birds. And what did she do? She didn’t take the power to herself alone. She said to the eagle: we need your strength. She said to the falcon: we need your speed. She said to the bellbird: we need your voice. You and everyone else have a place, a value and a contribution. We are stronger together! And such is the Kingdom of Christ. Amen”.

The speaker’s name is Urzula Glienecke and she is Associate Chaplain of Edinburgh University.

About Urzula

As I said: a prophetic voice.