White Ted And the Right To Die
White Ted came into my life soon after my partner Susie died.
I went up to visit our daughter Rebecca and she took one look at me and said:
“Dad, you need a teddy bear. Here’s White Ted”.
And I was overwhelmed by her kindness.
All the more so because I’d never been allowed a Teddy when I was a child.
And that’s why White Ted still goes with me everywhere.
And the play came about because at round about the same time I became close friends with a woman who had suffered from a chronic kidney disease for many many years.
She knew it was going to kill her very soon and she wanted to control when that happened; and avoid the hideously unpleasant symptoms that would precede it.
She loved travelling; and together we made two farewell trips: one to Krakow, and one to Iceland.
And then I went with her to a couple of meetings of a group campaigning for the right to die.
The last time I saw her she was involved in trying to obtain a supply of the drug vets use to put pets to sleep to end their suffering.
(She was painfully aware of the irony)
It was a difficult process; sometimes a shipment would be intercepted by customs; and sometimes unscrupulous operators would just be selling white powder.
She was waiting for the second shipment when she insisted we said goodbye.
About a fortnight later her brother phoned to tell me she’d died.
When I asked him how she’d died, he said
“Peacefully”
And put down the phone.
So I never knew.
She was very concerned that I wouldn’t be prosecuted as an accessory to her death.
But she did leave me some money in her will so I could write a play about euthanasia.
And it was round about then that I was commissioned by the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland to co-create a play for their post-graduate theatre course.
The play had to be written with and for a group of 6 student actors with a student director.
And all the parts had to be more or less the same size because they were to perform it for their Showcase at the end of the course.
It was a difficult job.
Everyone was very talented, but very stressed, and didn’t all get on that well.
I thought it was all going very badly, and out of desperation brought White Ted along to the devising process.
And that’s how the title and the play was born.
It’s play no. 89, and I suffered quite a lot in the writing of it;
And so I forgot I’d ever written it until a week or so ago when our younger daughter Katie, got in touch and mentioned she was researching for an article about euthanasia.
That made us both remember it.
She’d seen it in the students’ London showcase and loved it.
And that’s why I’m sharing it with you now…
WHITE TED AND THE RIGHT TO DIE
performance script
by
Jo Clifford
© Jo Clifford 2014
All rights whatsoever in this play are strictly reserved and application for performance etc. should be made before rehearsals to Alan Brodie Representation Ltd, Barbon Buildings, 14 Red Lion Square, London, WC1R 4QH. No performance may be given unless a licence has been obtained.
This play is dedicated to two courageous women who faced death with open eyes:
Marni Robertson who wanted the right to die at a time of her own choosing, and
asked me to write this play,
&
Sue Innes who refused to give any help to the cancer who was killing her and who,
on knowing she was to die of a brain tumour, told everyone she could: “This is for
many of us the worst nightmare. But I want to tell you it’s not so bad. It’s not nearly
as bad as we all imagine.”
This play was developed with the help of the following MA students from the Royal
Conservatoire of Scotland:
Director:
Jessica Aquila Cymerman
Performers:
Amy Drummond
Eddie Hull
Zach Jost
Eanna O'Dowd
Jessica Thigpen
Renee Williams
I owe a particular vote of thanks to Jess Thigpen and her late father.
This play is written for six actors, as follows:
WHITE TED
THEMSELF 1
THEMSELF 2
BENJI THE DOG/BENJI THE GHOST/BENJI THE ANGEL
VET/GP
NURSE/CONSULTANT
The set must be a beautiful place to tell a story in.
ENTER WHITE TED
WHITE TED Ladies and gentlemen and bears.
PAUSE. HE LOOKS FOR BEARS IN THE AUDIENCE.
WHITE TED I seem to be the only bear. How sad.
Especially now when the world needs more bears.
I’ll start again.
Ladies and gentlemen and those of every gender and none
My name is White Ted and I am a bear.
My life is like yours, with our future uncertain,
Our present full of sorrow and joy
And those grey empty moments of boredom.
And so to more or less pleasantly pass the time
I thought I would tell you my story.
There was once a dog called Benji
BENJI APPEARS
BENJI That’s me. Woof woof.
These are my paws.
And this is my tail.
And this is my snuffly snuffly tail.
What kind of dog am I?
WHITE TED A happy dog. Full of life and fun.
Not too much fun Benji.
No Benji. Careful Benji.
BENJI PLAYS WITH WHITE TED AND TOSSES HIM INTO THE AIR.
WHITE TED Ow. Put me down Benji. Put me down!
BENJI Woof woof!
WHITE TED Yes I know you’re a pedigree gun dog and won’t hurt me.
And I know you have a soft mouth and won’t eat me
But you’re full of slobbers and you are soaking me!
And I am not a dead pheasant Benji. I am not!
I am a delicate bear whose feelings can be easily hurt!
BENJI PUTS THE BEAR DOWN. VERY PLEASED.
WHITE TED Thank you.
Now Benji had a human...
THEMSELF 1 That’s me.
THEMSELF 2 That’s me.
WHITE TED A conflicted human.
THEMSELF 1 I love having a dog.
THEMSELF 2 It’s stupid having a dog.
THEMSELF 1 After a hard day’s studying its so relaxing having a dog.
THEMSELF 2 When you’re a student it’s such a drag having a dog.
THEMSELF 1 Dogs are affectionate and loving and improve everyone’s life.
THEMSELF 2 Dogs slobber and leave disgusting hairs over everything
THEMSELF 1 Don’t say that! Poor Benji.
THEMSELF 2 (RELUCTANT) Oh allright. Hello Benji.
A MOMENT OF MAYHEM AS BENJI JUMPS ALL OVER T 2.
T2 Down Benji. Benji...
T1 and 2 Down.
T2 Why did I get a dog?
T1 Dan had the dog
T2 I loved Dan.
T1 Dan loved the dog
T2 Don’t think about it!
WHITE TED It’s the breed. It has a predisposition.
That’s a difficult word. A difficult word for a bear to say.
I heard them say it. Predisposition.
To a kind of cancer other dogs don’t get.
It makes him special.
T1 I’m special, Dan would say
T2 Benji’s special, Dan would say
T1 and 2 We love Benji!
WHITE TED But one day Dan fell ill
And went to sleep and didn’t wake up any more.
T1 Dan said...
T2 Dan could explain things...
WHITE TED I didn’t understand.
But then I’m only a bear.
T1 White Ted helped me
T2 Didn’t you white Ted
T1 When Dan... Dan...
T2 I’m not thinking about it!
T1 I’m studying medicine
T2 Studying medicine to make things better
T1 And it’s not going to happen
t2 It’s not going to happen again.
WHITE TED And then one day...
AN EXPECTANT MOMENT...
WHITE TED ... Benji became old and tired and ill and couldn’t play any more.
BENJI WHIMPERS
WHITE TED And it served him right!
BENJI WHIMPERS MORE
WHITE TED And our human was very conflicted about it.
T1 What am I going to do?
T2 It’s happening. It’s happening all over again.
It isn’t right.
T1 Poor Benji. I’ll have to take you to the vet.
T2 The vet’ll kill him
T1 The vet’ll make him better
T2 The vet can’t make him better!
T1 Antibiotics.
T2 They’re no use
T1 Painkillers.
T2 They don’t work any more.
Look at him.
A MOMENT. BENJI IS CLEARLY IN PAIN.
T1 I’ll phone the vet.
T2 I’m sorry Benji.
A TENDER MOMENT.
WHITE TED Nothing lasts. Nothing makes much sense.
Every moment of happiness will be ended by death.
At moments like this I wonder what human life is for.
T1 I have to take him in now.
T2 Not now!
Don’t want to take him!
T1 Now!
T2 Don’t want to lose him!
T1 Mustn’t be feeble. Have to be strong.
BENJI TRIES TO WALK. FALLS.
T2 He can’t even walk any more..
T1 I take the front.
WHITE TED Wait a minute. Don’t leave me!
BENJI WHINES
T2 What’s that Benji? You want me to take Teddy?
T1 I can’t take Teddy
T2 Yes I can.
T1 No I can’t.
T2 Can!
T1 Can’t!
T2 STARTS TO WAIL.
T1 OK. Yes I can.
WHITE TED Yes!
T1 Careful.
THEY CARRY BENJI OVER TO THE VET’S AREA.
NURSE Hello Bonzo. I love animals.
T1 Benji
NURSE Benzine. Let me take him.
T1 & T2 Benji!
NURSE Here Banjo. Good boy Banjo
T1 & T2 Careful.
NURSE HANDLES BENJI CLUMSILY. BENJI GETS DROPPED. HE HOWLS IN PAIN.
NURSE Poor Banjo. It’s usually better if you’re carrying big dogs to allow a trained person to do the job. Especially when he’s a little overweight.
T2 Why’s he telling me off? It was his fault!
T1 Ssh.
T2 Arsehat!!
T1 Don’t be embarrassing.
NURSE Poor Banjo. Come to daddy. There’s a good boy.
BENJI BITES NURSE
NURSE Oh! I’m bleeding! Doctor!
VET Nurse
NURSE I’m bleeding!
VET I’ll get the tetanus shot
NURSE I love animals. But I can’t stand blood! Oh!
And I’m frightened of needles!
VET Too bad.
VET INJECTS NURSE. NURSE FAINTS.
VET [TO THEMSELF] Sorry about that. Now what seems to be the trouble?
T1 Well the thing is Doctor...
VET Yes?
T2 Benji’s worse.
T1 Benji’s worse.
VET Yes I can see that. Here Benji. Good boy.
Hm. His breathing is shallow and laboured.
His pulse is weak and rapid.
He is in obvious pain and distress.
T2 [SOBS]
T1 Can’t you do something?
VET Last time we spoke of his poor prognosis.
T2 What prognosis? She never gave me a prognosis.
VET I explained then we were running out of options. We could keep Benji comfortable for a while but that sooner or later that would be no longer possible.
T1 I know.
VET And that we would reach the point where the kindest option would be to put Benji to sleep.
T2 Why can’t she say kill him?
T1 I understand.
VET It’s a painful decision to take. I’m sorry.
T2 She’s not sorry.
VET Can I take it you agree?
T1 Yes doctor.
VET I’ll just prepare the injection. I won’t be a moment.
EXIT VET
T2 Repulsive money grubbing hypocritical shit!
T1 Shut up!
T2 I knew this would happen. Poor Benji.
BENJI WHINES FEEBLY.
T1 I can’t give way to this.
T2 Yes I can
T1 No I can’t.
T2 Yes I can.
WHITE TED Poor Benji
T1 & 2 Poor Benji.
VET Wake up nurse!
NURSE [MOANS]
VET Get on your feet and get the consent forms!
NURSE That poor dog’s going to die.
VET Yes.
NURSE I hate this.
VET Do it!
BENJI MOANS
T1 Benji I’m sorry. But you won’t feel a thing.
T2 Hope so.
T1 Its a good drug. Pento something. Forget its name.
T2 Pentobarbital.
T1 Yeah. That one. Read about it on facebook. It is like sending the dog to sleep. It’s humane.
T2 In the States they use it for executions.
NURSE If you’d just sign here.
T1 [SIGNS] Executions...
NURSE This is so sad.
VET Now this won’t hurt Benji.
BENJI WHIMPERS
VET If you’d just stroke him.
T1 There there.
NURSE I hate needles.
T2 Shut the fuck up!
VET Now Benji. Just a little scratch.
5 - 4- 3 - 2 - 1.
BENJI DIES.
VET There. He’s gone.
We’ll leave you with him a moment.
NURSE So sad.
VET Nurse. Try to be professional.
NURSE Some people have no heart.
EXIT VET AND NURSE
T1 Dear Benji.
T2 Thank you for loving me.
T1 I did my best to love you.
T2 Sorry I wasn’t as good a person.
T1 As good a person as you thought me to be.
A PAUSE.
WHITE TED Benji. What’s happened, Benji?
You’re not there any more. You’ve gone!
What did they do to you?
[TO AUDIENCE] Death is such a mystery.
VET Just to inform you that we offer a wide range of very reasonable funeral packages.
You’ll see we have a range of bespoke options
Ranging from a grave with his own personalised headstone.
To his ashes collected in his very own urn.
Down to simple cremation.
T2 Money grubbing shit.
T1 Can’t I bury him at home?
VET I’m afraid that’s no longer allowed. Health and safety regulations are so strict nowadays.
T2 Anything rather than give that fucker more money. Just burn him
T1 A simple cremation, thank you.
VET Clients find they often regret inadequate funeral arrangements
Clients find they often become a source of regret in later life.
T! & 2 Burn him!
VET In that case I’ll bid you good day.
T2 Fuck off.
VET Thank you for your custom.
WHITE TED Did she say burn him? Burn him!
But what about me? Hello! Hello!!
T1 I forgot white Ted
T2 Poor white ted!
WHITE TED Phew.
T1 Good bye old friend.
T2 Good bye.
WHITE TED Purr purr.
[TO AUDIENCE] I know that’s for cats. Poetic licence.
NURSE So sad.
VET Nurse you gave them the wrong form.
NURSE I was too upset to notice.
VET they signed an equipment bill!
NURSE Sorry.
VET Are you really suited for this job?
NURSE I love animals!
END OF SCENE.
WHITE TED PASSES ACROSS THE STAGE.
WHITE TED Time passes.
AN INTERLUDE. MUSIC. THEMSELVES EXPLORE THE MOVEMENTS OF
THEIR BODIES.IT GRADUALLY BECOMES CLEAR THAT THEMSELVES
HAVE AN IMPAIRMENT. WHITE TED SPEAKS OVER
WHITE TED You humans with your limbs
That are such miracles of articulation
I speak to you as a bear whose body parts
Can barely move at all
And I am telling you that I watch
The infinite possibilities of the human frame
Open eyed with wonder and with admiration.
And often with a little touch of envy.
PAUSE
WHITE TED And yet you treat your bodies with such scant regard
For all their admirable beauty.
As if your bodies were machines
To do your bidding and process your waste.
But you treat your machines far better.
You clean and you service your cars.
Your bodies you neglect. And worse.
You fill them with garbage,
Place them under intolerable strain
And when they go wrong react with shock and disbelief.
T2 Strange.
T1 This is very strange.
THEY MOVE THEIR LEFT HAND. THERE’S AN IMPAIRMENT.
T1 Probably nothing.
SILENCE
T2 Quiet without Benji.
T1 Quiet.
T2 I should do something.
T1 Nothing to do.
T2 A walk would be nice.
T1 Why
T2 Tired
T1 Hurts to move
T2 Better to stay in.
T1 No Benji to walk with anyway.
T2 True.
SILENCE
T2 So much to do!
T1 Do it tomorrow.
T2 Got to do it now!
T1 No I don’t
T2 Yes I do.
T1 No
T2 Yes
T1 No
T2 Yes. Yes. Yes.
Look I’m doing something.
T1 Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
T2 I’m being productive even though I’m tired.
T2 FALLS.
T2 It’s in my leg! It’s got into my leg!
T1 It’ll pass. Just rest a moment it’ll pass.
T2 Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
T1 See it’s getting better. It’s getting better already.
PAUSE. THEN THEY START TO MOVE THEIR OTHER HAND.
THERE’S AN IMPAIRMENT THERE TOO.
THE ACTORS WHO PLAYED THE VET AND THE NURSE COME FORWARD.
ONE Speaking as those with a responsibility for the care of the sick
TWO We can only endorse the words of our friend the learned bear
ONE You have seen us caring for sick animals
TWO Where often, as with humans, the outcome is good
ONE But then even in the worst cases
TWO We can at least offer a kind end to suffering.
ONE But now we have taken on new roles
TWO And are involved in the medical care of humans
ONE Where matters become more... complicated.
TWO BECOMES THE GP.
GP My name is McKendrick and I’m a general practitioner.
People come to me day after day.
I have ten minutes in which to resolve their suffering.
And so often I want to say
If you’d only eat less, or if you’d only drink less
Or if you’d only stop smoking.
If you’d treat your partner with a little more kindness
Or if you’d only stop putting up with so much shit!
...then perhaps things might get a little better.
But then sometimes something happens
That seems to come at them like a bolt from the blue
And there’s nothing nothing I can do..
T1 Doctor what is happening?
T2 I don’t understand.
GP Well. The thing is.
T1 Yes?
GP We’ve just had the test results.
T2 And?
GP And a letter from the consultant.
T1 And?
GP They’re not good. I’m sorry.
T2 But you said...
GP I know. Carpal tunnel syndrome.
T1 Knew it wasn’t that. Knew it.
GP I was trying to be reassuring.
T2 I looked it up.
T1 You said it would pass!
GP I know. I was putting the best possible spin on things. I’m sorry.
T2 The disease is attacking the nerves
T1 The nerves that control my movements
GP I am so sorry. You know the movements of your arm,which are getting more and more difficult.
You’ve noticed the same thing is happening to your legs.
To your hands and to your feet.
T2 The swallowing reflex will be next.
GP You’ve read this up. Of course. I’m sorry.
T1 As time goes on
T2 I will be unable to eat or drink
GP It will become more difficult, yes.
T1 Because I will be continually choking.
GP You will tend to swallow food the wrong way. Yes.
T2 And will pee and shit myself.
GP Incontinence may become a problem. Yes. But it’s amazing these days what they can do with sanitary pads.
T1 I am likely to live a long time
T2 I am to be slowly tortured to death!
GP We can mitigate the worst of the symptoms. As you know. I will organise physiotherapy. I will get the social workers involved.
I will make an appointment for you to see the consultant.
WHITE And more time passes. Things get worse.
Simple things she could do without noticing
Slowly become massive tasks.
I don’t understand what’s happening.
I don’t think she quite believes it.
But it’s hard to tell. And she doesn’t say much any more.
Don’t ask me to explain.
I’m only a bear.
TWO BECOMES THE CONSULTANT. THEMSELVES ARE NOTICEABLY WORSE.
CONSULTANT My name is McTavish and I am a consultant neurologist.
This patient was referred me by their GP.
A GP who, between you and me, is a bit of a nonenity.
A GP who, like most GPs, couldn’t understand what was happening.
It’s true the patient was presenting a set of symptoms that to the untrained eye
were puzzling and inconsistent.
But which to the specialist after a moment’s reflection, could all be seen to be disorders of the volountary muscular system.
Sit please. Sit.
Be aware that the apparent normality of the patient’s demeanour is in essence deceptive.
It masks a deep and growing disorder of the musculo-skeletal system.
Observe.
Would you cross your legs for me please?
TRIES. AND FAILS.
CONSULTANT Observe the immense difficulty presented to the patient by this simple task. Note the degeneration of simple muscle co-ordination and strength.
Note the wasting and the loss of muscle tone.
[THEMSELVES IS USING HAND TO PULL LEG ACROSS]
CONSULTANT Note the increasingly desperate strategies the patient will habitually employ to preserve the semblance of normality.
[THEMSELVES HAS FINALLY GOT THEIR LEGS CROSSED]
CONSULTANT There. Well done. Well done indeed.
Now if you’ll permit me.
CONSULTANT TAPS T2’S KNEES TO TEST REFLEX. THEY WORK
SATISFACTORILY.
CONSULTANT A most satisfactory demonstration of the difference between the autonomic and voluntary muscle systems.
The one deteriorates while the other functions perfectly.
Please be good enough to stick out your tongue. Like this.
T1 Can’t.
T2 Can’t.
CONSULTANT Note the growing difficulty in articulation as the patient begins to lose control over the finer musculature associated with speech.
T1 Can’t.
T2 Can’t.
CONSULTANT And if we give the patient something to drink.
Have some. You’ll be thirsty after your effort.
WITH DIFFICULTY T2 DRINKS WATER. AND CHOKES ON IT.
CONSULTANT And so we note impairment of the swallowing reflex.
These are painful symptoms to observe.
painful to experience no doubt also.
The picture we have to paint is indeed a dark one.
But even here, even here in this darkness,
There are signs that give us hope.
The good news is that the involountary motions of the body remain unaffected. The heart continues to beat. The kidneys and liver continue to function. And so life expectancy is surprisingly long.
WHITE TED And as she tries to understand
Tries to understand what is happening
And tries to understand what is to be done
There is an inner life that stirs within her
A life she cannot communicate.
But were we to hear it,
Ladies and gentlemen and those of a different gender,
It might sound something like this:
T1 I’m thinking
T2 Thinking
T1 Those autumn days
T2 You lift your face to the weakening sun
T1 Because you know that winter is coming.
T2 Dan loved autumn
T1 And we’d walk together
T2 Kicking our feet in the fallen leaves
T1 Just amazed at the crazy beauty of it all.
T2 We were going to be doctors
T1 We were going to make things better
T2 We were going to have children
T1 Its not right
T2 Not right he isn’t here
T1 Not right this is happening
T1 Have I really no right
T2 right to breathe the air of this world?
WHITE TED I want to tell you the sun will continue to shine
And that leaves will continue to grow green on trees
And that light will still glow in the beautiful sky.
But my words can not be heard.
Since the ears of my human cannot hear me.
T1 I’m thinking
T2 Thinking of choking on my food
T1 Of gasping gasping for air
T2 Of fighting the thing that’s stuck in my throat
T1 I’m thinking
T2 Of sitting in the cold wet smell of my piss
T1 Sitting in my own shit
T2 Having to be fed
T1 Of the helplessness
T2 When I cannot move
T1 My body a useless shell
T2 My poor tired eyes unable to close
T1 Never to give me rest
T2 My heart beating beating uselessly
T1 So my brain can stay alive and feel it all.
T2 I’d rather die.
T2 Want white ted.
T1 Want white Ted.
T2 White Ted
T1 Help me
WHITE TED Nothing I can say.
T1 You’ve nothing to say white ted
T2 You’ve nothing to give me any more.
T1 What shall I do?
T2 Not going to think about it
T1 Shall I just keep trying to go on
T2 La la la
T1 Trying to go on as if nothing was happening
T2 Like Dan. He tried to go on
T1 Tried to go on as if nothing was happening
T2 But he couldn’t
T1 And he was so clever
T2 he was going to be a doctor!
T1 A life unlived. A potential unfulfilled.
T2 I’ve a life unlived. So many places i want to go
T1 So many things I want to do.
T2 He hung on and he hung on and he hung on
T1 Months slowly suffocating
T2 Slowly suffocating and getting more and more afraid
T1 Let go I kept saying
T2 Let go sweetheart
T1 But he hung on
T2 Don’t want to die like that
T1 I want to go when I choose. Cleanly. Quietly.
T2 Without pain.
T1 and 2 Doctor!
GP Yes.
T1 and 2 Help me die.
BENJI Speaking as a ghost at this stage of the story
I have to tell you that something special has happened.
The barrier between the dimensions has grown suddenly very thin.
To allow the ghost of a dog to enter in.
And you may ask yourselves why do I look and sound so human?
Perhaps I always was a human
Dreaming that I was a dog
Or maybe I am really a dog
Dreaming just now I am a human.
Whatever.
One thing for sure: I must ask you to entertain the notion
That your current dimension
May not be the only one there is.
Look back over your own life
And you’ll find so many things you thought you had forgot
Are in fact still present in your life
And are profoundly affecting the existence
That you are living through now.
A simple illustration, I am tempted to think,
Of a law of physics to do with the conservation of matter
Or else of energy, them being the same thing.
The hypothesis being that nothing in the universe
Ever disappears or gets completely lost.
That everything is still out there somewhere
After all the universe is remarkably big.
But don’t take my word for it.
I may have got it wrong.
Einstein is easily misunderstood
And the various laws of thermodynamics are not my forte.
After all I’m only a dead dog.
GP It was 28th February the letter came.
Doctor I want to die the letter said. please help me.
It came at the end of one of those days
When I’d been sitting in my room
And the patients coming in a constant stream
A steady stream of suffering
And me with only ten minutes to cure them.
And it felt like I could nothing to help
And I felt like I was drowning
CONSULTANT Years ago when I was a boy
I used to love to look at old maps of the world.
The ones that were created long long ago
And had these great blank areas of the great unknown.
Here be monsters...
And I loved to see how as time passed
The unknown areas became smaller and smaller
And continents began to assume their complete shape.
Look. Look. America!
As a child I wanted to be pat of this:
I wanted to become an explorer
And investigate the dark unknown.
But then I came to understand
There were no dark forests whose depths had been left unexplored.
There were no mountains left to climb.
And i saw instead that the greatest mystery in the world
The greatest unknown depths
Were the grey swirls of the cerebellum and brain
The labyrinthine darkness we all carry inside our skull.
GP House visit. Old man. Cancer everywhere.
A man who should be dead,
And yet who somehow will not die.
Terror. So much terror in his eyes.
Finally he falls unconscious and they send for me.
Incontinence. Pressure sores. The wife a shadow.
“he isn’t suffering” I say. But how do I know?
The air rasping through the back of the throat.
“It doesn’t hurt”, I say. On and on. Day in, day out.
“Doctor can’t you get him into hospital?” the wife is asking.
I know there are no beds.. I say:
“He’ll be more comfortable here. It won’t be long”.
He cannot eat or drink. We let him starve.
He’s dying of cancer. He’s dying of hunger and he’s dying of thirst.
And we call this the kindest way.
CONSULTANT [WATCHES THEMSELF]
You could call this a distressing case.
The patient is intelligent and can understand.
And the disease is following the pattern that we would expect.
In the early stages we would anticipate rapid decline
To be followed by a kind of plateau.
The body fails with only a very gradual extinction
Of the living thinking mind.
PAUSE. THE CONSULTANT WATCHES THEMSELF.
I could feel pity. But I won’t. I won’t!
It’s important not to let oneself become distracted,
But instead, through every difficulty,
Endeavour always to understand
The causes and the progress of the disease
So as to overcome it in the end.
That’s why I became a doctor.
I became a doctor so that I could understand.
PAUSE. THEMSELF IS STRUGGLING.
GP It would be so simple, in a way.
So simple to bring it to an end.
I read the letter again.
This is an intelligent person, aware. Able to understand.
Able to imagine what they will become.
It is very reasonable they should ask to die.
I would.
PAUSE.
CONSULTANT Something that interests me, purely as a professional
Is the level of suffering a human being can stand.
In my profession I watch many a decline.
Bit by bit the quality of life diminishes
Bit by bit the suffering augments
And I am constantly struck by the human capacity to adjust.
The ability to get used to things.
But there always comes a tipping point
Where the meagre consolations of living become so small
And the level of distress so great
It overpowers the instinctive fear of death.
Decline is always very rapid once that point is reached.
And so I question when it comes to euthanasia
And take no sides in the strident debate.
I suspect there is no need for it
But I must stress:
This is only a hypothesis.
GP They write: Not long ago my dog fell ill
With an illness for which there was no cure.
I took the decision to end his suffering.
It was humane.
I had the courage to help him die.
The courage and the kind humanity.
Will you treat me with less consideration
Than you treat a dog?
PAUSE
GP My daughter says “Mum
What is it that you do?
Is it true that you help people?”
And I say: “Yes.
Help people so they don’t get sick
Help people so that they get better.”
“I took an oath”, I say, and she says
“What’s an oath?” and I say
“It’s a very very solemn promise
That I will help people and do them no harm”.
But I think
Of the old man gasping his life out on his bed
This human being dying so horribly. Dying so young.
And i wonder: does “to do no harm”
Not also mean “Help die”.
Help die when all hope of life is gone.
Accept death, and so somehow
Help all to live...?
I don’t know. I don’t understand.
All I know is that I became a doctor
Because i wanted to help.
I became a doctor
Because I wanted to make it better.
WHITE TED I’ve been thrown into a corner where I gather dust.
So I see everything sideyways and I don’t really understand
Because I only have a very little brain.
I don’t see much
But what I see is bad.
People come and go
And some of them wear uniforms.
Some don’t.
They cry a lot and they get in the way.
I think they’re family.
And sometimes they get very cross
And then shout at each other.
I don’t think family’s a very good idea
Specially when they shout at my human
Who I know means no-one any harm
And has done absolutely nothing wrong.
Says nothing. My human.
Says nothing. Which is very strange.
I think it’s because they’ve forgotten how to speak.
They just sit and sit.
Sit and sit.
As if
As if they’re waiting.
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting for what?
A PAUSE. ENTER BENJI. HE HAS BECOME AN ANGEL.
BENJI I’ve been in such a lovely place.
Lovely warm water where I’m swimming
And I’m carrying a dead pheasant in my mouth
And I know this time they’ll let me eat it
Because my master is so very very pleased with me.
He has a long white beard and wise wise eyes
And I love him from the depths of my doggy heart.
And now I’m here. Woof. I wonder why.
I think I’ll have a scratch.
Is that white ted?
And there’s my mistress.
Silent as the grave.
Sick and ill and close to death.
Now I understand.
And they don’t see me yet
They will. Meantime I’d love a bone.
No bones. It’s night.
The consultant tosses in their lonely bed
Caught up in their anxious dreams
Dreaming of the syndrome
That will one day be known by their name
Yearning for the glory of discovering
New mechanisms of nerve and brain.
It’s true that you will win your dreams
But in fact your name will be attached
To a foul and smelly bowel disease.
Woof. Woof.
And the GP making themself
A comforting hot drink
Worrying in case they wake their partner up
Worrying what will become of their young child
Worrying at all the suffering they cannot end.
Dear love your drink will be delicious
Your partner will have the sweetest and most sensual dreams
And in the morning will make them all come true.
Your child will lead a happy life
And as for your patient’s suffering, dear grieving heart,
With you or without you
Suffering cannot end. Try to let it go.
Woof. Woof woof. I need another scratch.
(TO AUDIENCE)
And you. You just sitting there
Uneasily aware your lives will end.
And wondering when and how.
I wish that I could reassure you
How nice it would be to give you blessing
And take away your fear. But I know
Your fates are utterly outside my command.
I may be an Angel of death
Or I may be an Angel of life. Who knows.
In the end I’m only a dog.
And as for my poor master, silently suffering
Will death bring an end
To the war between their selves?
Will death bring reconciliation?
Such questions. The mystery of life.
The mystery of life.
You worry over it
As we worry over a bone.
Mistress wake up.
T2 Ugh
T1 Benji you’re slobbering
BENJI No mistress. It’s you.
T1 Dear Benji
T2 What are you doing here?
T1 Read about it
T2 In facebook somewhere
T1 Benji’s something’s wrong
BENJI Nothing’s wrong
T2 Are you talking?
BENJI Woof woof woof
T1 Something I mustn’t remember
T2 Walks in the park. Throwing sticks for you in the running stream
BENJI Woof. And now it’s me. Me taking you.
T1 For a walk?
BENJI Of course
T2 But Benji
T1 I can’t walk.
BENJI Of course you can
T2 Where are we going?
BENJI Not a bit what you expect
Sun on the water
Smell of new mown grass
A place you’ve never been
And need to go.
You ready?
Hold on.
Just a little scratch.
5-4-3-2-1.
THEY STAND. NOT A BIT DISTURBED
BENJI You see? Its time.
T1 Its time
T2 Its time.
THEY GO.
THE ACTOR PLAYING WHITE TED STEPS FORWARD.
ACTOR Ladies and gentlemen
Those of two genders or more
Those of none.
The story goes
That the bear watched it all with uncomprehending eyes.
And then, when the house was cleared,
The bear was thrown out with the garbage
And was never seen again.
END