When I was 14 or 15, something amazing happened to me.
I was invited to be part of a school play.
And I remember the joy of that first day of rehearsals,
of how suddenly and unexpectedly I felt at home on that stage.
Suddenly, I wasn’t shy anymore.
Suddenly, there was a place for me in the world.
Looking back, it’s very clear I discovered my vocation that day:
My vocation as a stage actress and performer.
But sadly, there was no future for a young trans actress in a boys’ boarding school in England in 1965.
I soon realised it was very dangerous for me to continue, that if people came to see how much I loved playing girls’ parts, my life would be made hell on earth.
There was nothing for me to do but repress who I was.
And I lost my vocation almost as soon as I found it.
And I think of how often this happens to young children in this cruel world,
how often children are denied the opportunity to pursue whatever it is they are uniquely gifted to do,
whether because, like me, they’re the wrong gender or the wrong sexuality,
or because they’re poor,
or because their country’s in a state of war,
or because they are girls and they live in a society that represses the full and free expression of women.
I was very lucky.
After 20 years, I found my voice as a playwright, and after another 20 years, I rediscovered myself as a performer.
And right now, I’m getting ready to travel down to England to take part in the recording of a couple of audio plays that I have parts in.
I am lucky, and I think maybe I am part of a wider story that the world is trying to tell.
A new story of being human,
A new poem that is being created,
A new song of humanity that is struggling to be sung.
I posted that on Tuesday, while I was waiting for the taxi to take me to the station to travel down to Leicester, where I was due to record 3 parts in “Our Story” - a beautiful series of five short audio plays being produced by Fifth Word Theatre Company.
Now I’m back, after such a lovely day recording in the Curve Theatre with the director Jo Tyabji.
In “Respect Your Elders” by Mika Onyx Johnson I played an old yew tree.
And in my “Dan Dare Meets the Bodhisattva”, I played Dan Dare and Sophie Jones.
I so rarely get the chance to work like this; and I did wonder if I’d be able to find the three voices that were needed.
But I did, and it was such a profound joy.
It confirms what I was saying in this reel, about acting being, deep down, my true vocation.
And how incredibly lucky I am to have found a way to use it to fuel my work as a playwright; and then - miraculously - find it again towards the end of my life.
I must tell how that happened some time soon; and I’ll talk about the plays in more detail when they come to be released.
Meantime, deep thanks to the new subscribers who have just arrived. You are so welcome.
It’s lovely to have you here; even lovelier if you pay. It really helps the work.
Share with people you know who might be interested
And, as always, do let me know what you’re thinking…
